my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
