What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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