I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
