Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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