Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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