im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
