My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
