to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
