hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
