I CAN MOONWALK!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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