When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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