My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
