Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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