last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
