Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
