i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
