im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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