i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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