cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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