i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
