hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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