I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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