I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
