he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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