Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
