Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My bed smells like the plague
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
