where am i from again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
