walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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