i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
