$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
