You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
