Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
