so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
