You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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