Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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