You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
