we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
