How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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