she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
