During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
