I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i think im in europe. pls send help
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
