Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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