can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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