She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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