omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.