So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
