Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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