I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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