Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
