My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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