The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
