They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
