fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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