Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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