I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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