you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
